I'm starting a new xanga, BLACKSUNOVERPARIS, its a lil less depressing that YOU'RETOP10INTHECHARTSOFPAIN, don't ya think? I'll update there as soon as I take the time to set it up

193lbs...20 more to go

today was great...ish

found out i weigh 198 pounds, which is EXTREMELY FAT....but I started on July 1st at 240 pounds.....42 pounds in 3 months....why do i still feel like im failing? Maybe I just need that extra push of encouragement, maybe its cuz nobody seems to notice.....maybe its cuz i dont even notice...i can put a 1 infront of my weight now...i cried in happiness when i saw the scale today...im winning this battle, but i still feel like im losing something. Missing something? Not making complete sentences. I know it sounds like I'm "fishing for compliments", maybe i need some, some honest ones................can anyone tell a difference...has anyone seen me?  I want to bury myself.

I only have to lose 25-30 more pounds before I'm normal...happy...satisfied.

SILENCE MAN HORSE!

I'm so irritated.

Here's the story. About 2 weeks ago Whitney called and left a message on my phone saying how much she wanted to move out and how much she needed/wanted a roomate. I am pretty comfotable with things right now so I said "no". Well she kept pushing so eventually I caved in and we went apartment looking. Then we decided we'd rather live in a duplex. Well duplexes are more expensive than apartments so I decided to offer up the idea of having Bridgette move in with us. Whitney was reluctant at first, but then she was all for it. On Saturday nite we called an add in the paper and we went on Sunday to look at this Duplex. It was perfect. Three bedrooms, 1 and a half baths, washer/dryer hookups, a full fenced backyard, and a 2 car garage. We thought it was too good to be true for only $600 a month, and it was in such a good neighborhood. We were all excited about it, and we finally got the call that we had to apartment on Sunday nite. We were all kinda strapped for cash, so Whitney offered to pay the first half of the deposit now, and then when we moved in on October 15th, I was going to pay the second half. Everything was peachy until Monday when I TOOK OFF WORK TO SIGN THE LEASE with Whitney and Bridgette. Well I should've known that something was fishy when Whitney told me that the landlords only wanted my name on the lease. When in fact she wanted all 3 of us. Still Bridgette and I went up to look at the place and plan where everything was going. Sometime during that day Whitney decided that she didn't want to move out anymore cuz it was too much of a risk. BUT, instead of calling Bridgette and I, she has her mother call the landlord and tell her that she doens't want to move out. What a baby! Christ! So, today, the landlord calls me and I'm expecting to find out when we are going to go sign the lease. Instead I learn that Whinteys mom had called and all of that bullshit and that Whitney had a change of heart. So, I'm pissed cuz now Bridgette and I look like complete idiots because we are all suppose to be best friends and we didn't even know that Whiteny wanted to move out. So Bridgette and I had to give up the perfect place, which wouldn't have been so bad if we would've been told about it. I don't know if any of you have had expereience in trying to move out, but things don't go this well. You never find exactly what you want for the exact price, when you want it. But we did, and now its gone. What pisses me off is that I went out of my way and wasted my time and energy for no fucking reason. I guess she changed her mind becuz she had talked to Shawn, who had talked her out of it prolly cuz he wanted to go on our KC trip, but we couldn't go anymore cuz were moving out. I don't think that Shawn would actually do that tho. Then I guess Cassie Scarlett talked her out of it. Which amazes me becuz you can never understand what the hell that  bitch is saying becuz she is constatly choking on her spit during every sentence. So Whitney took advice from someone who knows nothing about the situation, and a person that may have had other motives. Way to go Whitney, you really did the right thing! Dumbass....

Maybe this was a blessing in disguise. If Whitney didn't even have to balls to tell us that she was gonna bail, then I don't want to imagine what she wouldv'e been like to live with. I have a whole new perspective on her now. I can't believe she would do something this stupid. We can still be friends, but its gonna take awhile to forgive and forget this one!

I miss my actual friends so you guys need to call or something sometime....I didn't realize that I was that forgettable.

later, im sooooooo irritated

So, for all of u that think that the drama stops after high school...YOU ARE WRONG! I was wrong....maybe it's just Mulvane....I need my own reality show, I seriously think that a reality show about me and my friends would kick Laguna Beach's ass!

I got to see Andrea tonite, that was awesome, I really hope that she got to make some $$$.

*******I GOT A 95% ON MY MATH TEST********but here is the kicker...I was in I.M.P., so for all of u poor unfortunate souls *in the Ursula voice* that are in IMP, there is help...GET OUT OF IT WHILE YOU STILL CAN SO THAT SOMEONE WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY ARE DOING CAN TEACH YOU! Matt should post his IMP expose', its actually pretty good. My mom even thought that it made sense.

My father got laid off for the 3rd time this year...oh boy!

Whitney wants me to move out with her...we'll see, I really want to move into the dorms at WSU next year, but alas, I couldn't bare to quit Red Beans.

It's official, my cat Wiskers is Morbidly Obese. We had to take the top off of the litter box becuz she couldnt fit in it....HAHAHAHAHAGWHAHAHAHAHA....it is so funny, for those of you who have seen Wiskers...holy shit it was so funny...how embarrasing tho?

I FIT INTO A SHIRT FROM JUNIOR YEAR WHEN I WAS ACTUALLY A GOOD SIZE FOR ME...Megan had picked it out at Abercrombie for me...for Junior Pictures day...yeah, I knew she wouldn't remember!

The TV just said "HERE'S FOR A NEW CROTCH"....what?

The details for the KC trip will be posted on Sunday nite...I've got some homework to do. It's so strange, I care about college, A LOT. Things have just changed so much! I start everyday at 5 or 6am, the 5am days are at McDonalds and the 6am days are me driving to class....but I really don't think that I would have it any other way!

Well, I guess I'll go I suppose!

Lata bitches